Sometimes I can be such a bum.

Writing is the only thing keeping me focused in. I can be such a bum from time to time. Sometimes I pick up a butt because I want to smoke so much and it's not a good way to go.

I always feel like shit when I wake up in the morning with clogged lungs. I know I have to quit but smoking but I don't have the self discipline. I feel terrible. I want to smoke so bad that I grab a half smoked butt and smoke it. I do know who smokes the ciggerettes so it not like I'm Smokin from some random butt, but still it's gross. I need to start running. I just got some nice running shoes this winter and haven't really broke them in. I need to go sober and it's wearing on me to do so. I know I need to stay in shape even though my dreams of playing professional basketball are all over. I'm thirty six and I tried out for the Aba Live and didn't make the team. I wish I would have stayed sober but I didn't and that was my downfall, plus they were devout Christian and I wasn't reading my Bible enough. I thought making money online would set me free and it's not true you have to be a Christian. You have to be a Christian no matter what. I know if I believe in my heart that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior he will probably set me free of my addictions.

I really need help someday and was thinking I would call the quit line or take it up with the local hospital who has a quit program. It just drives me nuts in the morning wakin up knowing I smoked the day before.

I like smoking black and Milds but I saw on Facebook that one guy got stage four cancer and I used to play baskrtba with him. It's almost like a death sentence. I also like to buy a twelve pack of Shasta cola, it only costs me four dollars and sixty six cents which eqauls to like forty cents per can. Drinking all that soda is not good for me.

I think I will go to church tomorrow, I think it starts at nine. I really need to get back into Christianity. I really need to get back to my faith. I notice that when I go Christian I might have the same problems but it's like my body and mind are protected no matter what happens to me. I don't take things as hard because I know I'm Christian. It's a great feeling.

I had a rough time a while back where my conciousness was yelling at me to go sober and it felt like people were attacking me out of nowhere if I went to get a cup of Starbucks coffee. It was hatred. My mom has zen bhudist stuff laying around and whole I could think and feel good I wasn't protected in Christ. I wish I would have stayed deeper in the Holy Word so I knew what to do in any situation. I feel terrible how things went.

Francis Nganou fights Stipe Miocic tonight in Paper view. Hopefully it's a good fight, I don't have the money to order it.

I seen some young people at the bar but I felt terrible about drinking. I think some people wanted to talk to me but the music was too loud.

I wish I could I go to the March Madness games and watch. It looks like some people are in the crowd. I don't know who will win the championship but it might be Gonzaga. They have a pretty good team.

I want to friend more people on Facebook but isn't all Christian posts. I have friends from the past and family that are devout Christians and I don't think they will approve of my posts. I need to clean up my feed. Facebook kinda drains my energy even though I like to check it when I wake up in the morning. I just feel so depressed when I wake up in the morning. My messenger is clogged with people sending me dating sites, I don't know why Facebook can't fix this problem. It's nothing but beautiful woman friending me in Facebook and they have nothing on their feed they just clog up my messenger with dating site messages where they say I can meet them. It's so terrible I have to go through my friends list and delete everyone that is a hot chick so I don't get so many messages every day. This will take forever unfriending everybody. I don't know when I'm going to sit down and do it. I also need to delete some files in my Google drive ad I have to mcub data and it exceeds the fifteen gig they give you free of charge on Google. I needed opening up a new Gmail to save more information. It's only twenty dollars a year to get more memory on my Gmail file which is full and won't let me send or receive any more messages.