I went out drinking Friday night and it Sunday and I still feel drained. I spent almost a hundred dollars in two days. Beers were three fifty. I can't believe I spent most of my money. I feel terrible about it. I've been drinking to much pop almost eight or ten cans per day and it's adding up. Plus I smoke three or four black and molds everyday. I feel bad about going to the gas station, it must seem like I'm deteriorating right in from of them. I need to go in there and just buy water and some chips or nuts. I feel like I'm at rock bottom. My dad gambles so heavily I wonder what it feels like when he's done. Some days I want to ask him for money but I know I need to make it on my own. I'm a grow man now and most my friends from high school have kids and there married. I'm thirty six now and have never really had a girlfriend. I've had sex twice in my whole life and know I need to save myself for marriage. I've never really had any money and have worked over ten jobs or more since I was fourteen. One job was so bad doing concrete they swore ate terrible. I hurt my back as well lifting concrete block with three people helping me. I still get back spasms and wake up and it's hard to get out of bed. I worked so dn hard for four hundred per week. It gave me a good sense of work ethic and I can make my way out of anything if I work hard enough for it. I worked there for three or four years. I wonder how I can get my hands on my work history. I'd like to look back at all the jobs I've had. My dad worked at the same job his whole life. He worked for the railroad and I remember him getting called in in the middle of the night. It was or looked like a rough job to me. The trains are so loud and he had to dress up in overalls and boots. He's retired now. He worked so hard for his money its hurts to ask him for a loan.
He sent me some books and some clothes. I have a ton of court documents to look through along with Dot letters. He also sent me a hundred and fifty bucks and I spent twenty on Coricidin and forty on beer. That's sixty. Then I spent ten on soda and ten on cigars or more. Then I bought a ten dollar backpack from my roommate. That's ninety. What else did I get? I'm so bad with money. I prolly have around sixty left. I won't be asking for anymore money so have to make it last. I have to go sober I have to do it for myself. I have such a bad ciggerettes problem I could get cancer. I don't want to end up like those people on tv sitting in hospitals. One time I had to scoop snow and I had two Mountain Dews and a cigar before I went to scoop
I thought I was gonna die I couldn't take the strain of scooping after drinking all that soda and smoking that cigar.y roommates smoke a pack a day. I can't even smoke a pack a day. I can get a pack in the morning and it's last till the next day, I usually have three or four smokes left over. I couldn't take my mind if I smoked a pack everyday. I can see the effects on thier faces from smoking a pack a day. But that's all there is to do in the small town in Minnesota. They just smoke all day and listen to music meditate on thier sanity. We eat three time a day and have snack. Right now I am pushing 250 pounds. That's the most I have weighed ever. I'd be a heavy weight in the UFC. I don't think I can fight at heavyweight I would get literally crushed. Think if I had to fight John Jones or Francis Noghanou or however you spell it.
I love having a cigar and drinking a soda everyday. I don't have to do anything right now. The government has to pay for or does pay for the place I'm staying. It looks to be around one thousand a month. I went to jail for getting into a fight with some kid. I shoved him just so I could go to jail just because I couldn't take it how I felt sleeping where I was sleeping at. The Gospel Mission. I felt terrible. So I went back to jail, I'll tell you later how I got into this mess. I went back to jail and told them I was homeless before they let me out. So they sent me to a psychiatric ward in Anoka Minnesota and I stayed there for six months while I was diagnosed with pschyzofrenia. I think that's how you spell it. They put me on pills for my mental health. I had side effects from the pills and got terrible anxiety in my legs and I had to wake up in the middle of the night and walk around this twenty room space there was at the hospital. It sucked but there were alot of people my age there. What they got in trouble for I don't know. We had to attend meetings everyday and eat breakfast at eight a.m. So we go to these groups everyday and talk about mental health, do art and go to the gym. We also had breaks for snack where we could get coffee and something to snack on. So I stayed there for six months and then they sent me a group home where I had to attend groups for another three months. They took us to the gym every other day and I always had to take my pills every night. I met kids who just smoked and some of them would cut themselves. I saw scars all over their arms. Some got caught with meth and did other things. It sure was an experience. After that they picked me up in an armored car and took me to a small town in Minnesota and that's where I am now. It's called a board n lodge and I have five roommates. I don't have to do anything except watch TV and hang out while they make us dinner everyday.
So let's talk about how I got up here. I want on Facebook so I didn't know where my friends were at or what they were doing. I just walked the streets in a small town in Iowa where my dad lives at. He got sick of me and kicked me out. So I stayed up all night and stole a bottle of gin and some new shoes. I walked out of the store that was next to a big hill. I sat on top of the hill drinking that whole bottle of liquor. I woke up the next day and walked back to my dad's place thinking I could break in and go back to sleep. Walking by a church I saw a car running and I decided to hop in and stole it. I thought I would drive to Minneapolis and hop out and live up there till I found a job. Little did I know I went the wrong way and over shot it by like two hundred miles and wound up driving through North Dakota. I stole gas the whole way mind you I didn't have any money. I saw a cop in the middle of the highway and he turned his lights on and started following me. I sped up and tried to escape in this little Rav 4. That didn't work as he called ahead and they threw out a spike strip and I hit it head on and slid sideways I thought I was going to flip so I tapped the break lightly and landed sideways in the ditch in the middle of the two highways. Went to jail in North Dakota and went to court. I only got like thirty or forty days and my dad showed up for court. When they let me go he was nowhere to be found. Didn't he know I was getting out? So I guess alked around this small town in North Dakota. Finally I decided to call my dad and he came and picked me up. He then drove me to the Gospel mission in another town in North Dakota where I hung out for a whole. There are alot of pretty girls in North Dakota believe it or not. So I got in a fight and I did it on purpose because I couldn't sleep in the Gospel Mission. I went back to jail and sat for sixty days and I told them I was homeless as my parents didn't want me around them anymore. So they shacked me up in this board n lodge and they give a hundred bucks a month in money to spend. Which equates to about three dollars per day, not much but it's better than nothing. I need money so bad some days I need like twenty bucks perday. I hope I can make it blogging, I love having a little spending money. Well I will go for now. Hope you have a good day.
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